The CW may not be responsible for the most original programming on TV. Not only did they remake 90210, but last night I saw a commercial for Melrose Place. Didn’t watch it fifteen years ago- not going to watch it now. However, the CW has created one original show that has won my heart.
It’s called Hitched or Ditched, and I’m pretty sure the execs at FOX are kicking themselves for not having thought of it first. This show finds couples that have been in long-term relationships, but for whatever reason have not yet gotten married. The “whatever reason” is usually something along the lines of they have no business being in a relationship together. Then the show forces them to choose whether or not to get married one week later standing at the altar at their dream wedding.
It’s more suspenseful than Hitchcock. To make things more wonderful, the happy couple has to tell their parents. The parents are the cherry on top of this beautiful disaster. This reminds me what I so love about reality TV- because real life is so much more bizarre than fiction. Who on earth could have dreamed these people up? And who on earth let them style themselves? This country is a fascinating place.
The greatest thing about this show is that it is literally engineered for disaster. And last night, at least, the douchebag actually broke up with his girlfriend in her wedding dress, surrounded by friends and family on national TV! I mean, it doesn’t even occur to him to have the decency to call the whole thing off and break up with her privately. Thank god a catch like that is back on the singles market.
Even the happiest, most well adjusted couples would crack under this kind of pressure. As if “’til death do us part” isn’t pressure enough. I think it’s a genius idea. If we forced more people to choose whether or not they wanted to marry each other in a week, we’d have a lot fewer marriages in this country. More parties, fewer marriages; the way life should be. Besides, wouldn’t weddings be more interesting if you didn’t know the outcome beforehand?
I think they should take it a step further. What I propose is that they round up all the Jewish and Indian mothers whose children aren’t married yet, have them invite the kids over for dinner, and force them to get married on the spot to a stranger the mother's have chosen for them. It could even involve kidnapping or gunpoint. I’d call it “Arranged or Your Mother Will Dismember You,” or “Oy Gavultz! Where are my Grand Bubbies already?!”
Pressure is a very powerful instrument. When applied correctly it can turn carbon into diamonds, which then, in turn, when put on someone’s finger, can create even more pressure. I think this is an appropriate time for an evil laugh: Muuuahhhahahahha! So thank you, CW for this fascinating psychological study on the affects of undue pressure on potential marital relationships. Who knew the CW had such quality programming?
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