The Bigot Moron who came in Second

The Donald has spoken. Miss California will keep her crown. I’m not even sure where to begin with this. Let’s start at the beginning. Donald Trump is a douche bag. Trust me, I’ve met him, and he’s a douche bag. His sons are douche bags, the people who work for him are douche bags, and I couldn’t be less surprised than if he divorced his wife and married a young eastern European model.

He literally owns the Miss Universe organization and everyone in it, which includes Miss USA and all of the individual states. I think he sets a perfect example for his organization. He’s been in this position with a Miss USA candidate twice before, and it went a little something like this: cute girl gets caught with scandalous photos. Keeps her crown. Not so cute girl gets caught with scandalous photos. Crown gets taken away. This time, cute girl gets caught with scandalous photos. Keeps her crown. See where I’m going with this? I’m sure he locked himself in the bathroom with those photos for an hour to “make his decision.”

It’s a beauty pageant people. Not an inner beauty pageant, not a “most smartest” pageant, not a talent pageant. It’s basically a wet t-shit contest with evening wear. The Miss California organization even paid for a boob job for this girl before the Miss USA pageant! So before I start to get too irate about this, I remember that this sort of thing has no credibility whatsoever. Let’s not forget that even after her amazing speech about “opposite marriage,” the bigot moron still came in second. Clearly she’s not being judged on her ability to make good decisions (because I think she should have told the doctor to make her a C cup at least).

But, I mean, what the hell kind of operation is this? Have you seen what those girls wear on stage? Why don’t they just call it the Miss Texas 1986 pageant? I think I just figured out why they wear bedazzled earrings the size of coffee saucers- because during the question portion of the evening, I remember being mesmerized by how gaudy those earrings were instead of listening to the answers. Aha! I would also like to point out, at this time, that beauty queens wear the same shoes that strippers wear. The exact same shoes, except beauty queens pay $200.00 for theirs.

Now, I truly am a gal with a great nose for trouble. I happened to participate in this year’s Miss Massachusetts USA pageant, and had I won, I would have been there when all this went down. Thankfully, I did not win. The biggest reason I’m glad I didn’t win (besides having to keep up with the diet and exercise, and having no intention whatsoever of fulfilling the “duties” of Miss Massachusetts) is because I don’t have to deal with topless photos of myself surfacing in the media. I mean, alleged topless photos. Also, amidst the prizes for winning Miss Massachusetts USA, there was no boob job.

Because to be honest, in the back of my mind, I knew that if I won, a lot of shit was going to go down, because I do a lot of stupid shit, but I know that about myself. The rules for participating in the pageant clearly state that you can’t involve yourself in this kind of activity, for those of us who can read a contract. What do they call us again? Oh, right. “Losers.” You also have to be a natural born female, but I think that’s only because if they let trannies in the pageant, the regular girls wouldn’t have a chance.

So what is next for the bigot moron? How can she possibly extend her fifteen minutes of fame? I smell a reality series… followed by a Playboy pictorial. At least Vanessa Williams had the decency to step down. But then again, that was the Miss America pageant. The Miss America pageant at least has a talent portion. But who needs talent when you’ve got a boob job?