Killer Tan

This weather is not doing a lot for my complexion. Usually by this time of year I’m poolside at least two hours a day. Summer is the time of year I get to wear my short shorts, but how am I supposed to do that if my legs are translucent?

I’ll have to look in to other options, since the sun is not cooperating. I could buy self tanner. There are a lot of products on the market that will darken your skin gradually without making you look orange. I could spray tan. Spray tans are instantaneous and pretty natural looking, although a week or two later you look like a leper when you start to peel. Not sexy.

One thing I will not resort to is tanning beds. I have never been in a tanning bed, and I will never go into a tanning bed. As far as I’m concerned tanning beds are little hotbox hell-coffins of death, and I’d rather walk around blinding people before I willingly get into one. Seriously, if medieval torture chambers had electricity, they would have used tanning beds.

And I’m not wrong. Legislation has started to pass outlawing tanning booth use for minors. Unlike lotions or spray tans, tanning booths have those nasty UV rays that give you cancer. So, in reality, they are hotbox hell-coffins of death. Beauty is pain, but beauty should not be fatal.

Most of the damage you can do to your skin that leads to melanoma is inflicted before you’re 18. So these girls that are running off to the tanning booths every other day are giving themselves cancer. Twenty states have legislation pending, and Arkansas and Mississippi of all places have restricted tanning booth use to minors under 14.

Melanoma is no joke. Of course we all want to look bronzed and sun-kissed like we just spent two weeks in Jamaica, but like everything else in life, it can be faked. You’re not going to be looking that cute after chemo when your hair falls out. But you will be tan in your coffin. Which you should be used to… we’ll just wire some sun lamps in there and you’ll feel right at home.

Please visit http://www.dermanetwork.org for more information. And if you haven’t been to the dermatologist by now, you need to go. I went to the dermatologist last week, and I had a great time, except apparently cute dermatologists are not allowed to date their patients. Now that should be outlawed.