Foxy's in Love

Holy Moly, you guys. Are you sitting? You should be sitting. What I am about to tell you is pretty much the biggest thing that has happened anywhere ever. You're going to freak out . I mean, I don't even know how to tell you. Are you dying? You. Have. No. Idea. oh my gosh. OMG. Holy shit. Ready? OK.

I live with my boyfriend.

Let that sink in. Take a deep breath and just process that statement. Just breathe until you feel like you are able to deal with this. Ok? You feeling better? Good. Let's examine the statement I just made, because I, like you, am incredulous. Now, we all know that I've made many a shocking and brash statement in my life, like I'm Going To Be in a Beauty Pageant, or I'm Moving to Tampa. There is a shock value to my existence which is indeniable. But I shocked myself with this one.

Kate. Did you just say... boyfriend?

Yes. Yes, I did. I have a boyfriend. And I live with him.

You live with him. In the same place. Where your stuff is, his stuff is. You live with your boyfriend. Um, Kate... since when do you have a boyfriend?

Well, yesterday was one week since I'd moved in, and today is two weeks after we got together, so about two weeks. Yeah, two weeks exactly.

Kate, honestly, that's the most crack-addled thing you've ever said. You're being really weird right now, like all happy and smiling. It's freaking me out, man- are... are you baking?

What's so hard to believe? I am in a relationship. WIth a man. He wants to spend every second with me. Oh, I see your point. But when it's right, it's right.

That's such a fucking cliche, Kate. I thought you were a better writer than that. You probably just didn't want to move to Tampa and are using this guy for a free place to stay.

And sex. Don't forget using him for sex.

Wait, so who the hell is he? Who is the poor man whom you are subjecting to your madness?

Aaah, yes. The best part. Who is he indeed? He turned out to be the man I've been telling you all does not exist. He is Prince Nonexistent. Apparently, he's real.

Oh, my god, Kate. You've actually cracked, haven't you? I knew it was coming... but so soon? All right, let's take you to go see the nice doctors...

I'm perfectly sane. For now.

Kate, you just said that you moved in with your boyfriend after two weeks and now you're telling us that your boyfriend is a fictional character you created. Is this like the time you told us your boyfriend was Buddha? And by the way, aren't you supposed to be in Tampa?

Guys, listen and listen good. I have just proved the existence of true love. True love exists, and it's magical, absolutely magical. We can literally communicate telepathic ally. The Universe itself has blessed our union.

Doctor, so glad you're here. She's right over there.

No, really guys! It's amazing, I'm so happy, I've never been so happy!

Kate, come over here. I bought you a new jacket. It goes on backwards... Ooooh.

He really is my soul mate.

Bitch you are crazy.